I’ve started a new blog. I’ll still be using this one but my new blog will be more geared towards my fitness stuff. Here it is.
1. Drawing: I’ve been working on my drawing. I’m still a very remedial artist LOL. But I want this to happen. I want to be able to draw my fashion creations. Having my own line of handbags is very important to me. It’s very important to be able to draw what you want to be made before you can send it off to be made. The people making it need a visual lol. I want to be able to draw out the creations that I come up with and I also want to learn how to use photoshop and illustrator. Right now my plan is to draw everyday and go slow and keep going no matter how frustrated I get. I do see that the slower I go the less frustrated that I get.
2. Nursing: Still doing pre-reqs. This semester was hard. My GPA took a MAJOR hit! I’ll be retaking the two classes I’ve done horrible in this semester past. I’ll be retaking one this semester and the other next semester but I’ll be taking three classes in all this semester: re-taking A&P I, Microbiology, and US History II AKA the GPA booster. Then I’ll be re-taking Chemistry the semester after this one coming up along with Statistics and any other classes that’ll boost my GPA. I’m also switching to a campus that is closer to my home so instead of an hour and eighteen minute commute, I’ll have a forty-five minute one by car but hopefully I’ll be having someone to at leas take me to school every morning and pick me up but if not both, I’ll hopefully have someone to at least take me to school in the mornings. Long commutes can be really hard on you. I’ve been doing the hour plus commute for almost two years now and I have to say it’s been dragging me down for A VERY LONG TIME. I love the campus that I’ve been studying on but the commute is a killer and it’s a bus stop on every corner, it ALWAYS crowded, the bus can break down and traffic be congested which makes that commute EVEN LONGER than the HOUR and 18 minutes (which I believe is more like 30 on average) it already is!! I also know that I will be spending more time at the library that is close to my home. I cannot study at my house. My father is a total pain in the ass who is always annoying me. But I do get distracted by my own stuff like surfing the net and reading everything but my textbooks. Anyway, here’s to a better Fall 2013!! I’m going to keep my head up and keep going.
3. Thinking about the future: ALWAYS! And always worrying about it.
Right now I’m reading The Secret. I have to say, so far I’m really liking it and it is inspiring me. I’m on a part of the book that talks about gratitude and how gratitude can change your life. I don’t think everyone has heard that before, though I’m sure a lot of people have, I’ve heard it before. My mother has always told me: “Be grateful!” (sometimes shouted it lol). It’s not something you really think about when you’re younger, but now that I’m older I am. I want to be grateful for what I have, less selfish, more giving. Rhonda and all of the teachers in The Secret say that you can’t get further in life, change your life, get more out of it and all of the things that you don’t have but want, if you’re not grateful for the things and people that you already have. So without further ado, here is a list of things that I’m grateful for, that I came up with this afternoon:
1. My mom
2. My health
3. Waking up this morning
4. The past 19, almost 20, years I’ve spent on Earth
5. My grandaddy (may he RIP)
6. My brother
7. My house
8. The food on my table
9. My dreams and ambitions
10. My college experiences so far and all of the amazing people I’ve met so far
11. Living in a democracy
12. Being free
13. Being ME!
I’m sure there are other things that I’m grateful for and I’ll be adding those things/people to my list. I want to start every morning saying what I’m grateful for. (It can be kind of hard as I’m SO NOT a morning person and so when I wake up I just want to be grouchy and complain LOL)
I need my own bathroom!
This early morning, like other VERY, VERY, VERY early mornings before them, I ha and upset stomach and had to got to the bathroom so bad! (Use your imagination, that way I won’t have to get all TMI!) I get up to go and who else in the bathroom but my brother. He’s always in the bathroom, at the most inopportune time, and VERY, VERY, VERY few times is he urinating! Then to top it all off, he never turns on the fan!
My mom, my dad, my brother, and my grandmother moved into the home that we currently live in the summer before last (2011). It has a lot of space and though it’s not perfect, it’s pretty nice. But the thing is that I don’t think any of us (esp my mom) thought about all of the deal breakers in this house, like it only having two bathrooms. One bathroom is on the second floor and one bathroom is in the basement.
The bathroom upstairs seems to always be occupied by my brother. Though we have a second bathroom in the basement, it’s reserved for my grandmother. The rest of us, which now includes three foster children, cannot use the bathroom my grandmother uses b/c she can’t use the b
This whole situation then leads me to these other thoughts, conclusions, and feelings.
1. I’m annoyed that my my brother is always in the bathroom. = My mother needs to take him to a doctor AGAIN! She took him to a doctor when he was a lot younger to see if anything was wrong with him b/c he has always immediately pooped out everything that he eats. I do feel guilty when I yell or kick up a fuss about him being in the bathroom. I don’t like when people rush me out of the bathroom so I don’t want to have to do it to anyone else but then again it has to be acknowledged once again that I’m no the one always in the bathroom and then for a very long time.
2. Annoyance at my grandmother getting her own bathroom. = I’m annoyed that my grandmother gets her own bathroom AND because she can never make it to the bathroom or leaves a mess of sorts so I cannot use it AT ALL! This then sends my mind onto something that I don’t always want to acknowledge because it’s guilt inducing and I guess mean. But the fact is that I feel it anyway, so better to acknowledge it. I resent the fact that my grandmother lives with us. I know that’s mean and horrible & I’m probably a selfish (I do have selfish tendencies so it’s very possible and something I need to work on) person because of it, but there it is.
A couple of years ago my grandmother & three cousins came to live with us. This was when we still lived in our INCREDIBLY small house in WJ. It was a nightmare, everyone was on top of each other, someone was always yelling (my grandmother mostly), the boys didn’t want to follow the rules at all. At our new though, my grandmother is the only one that lives with us but even with just her I still feel like we got the short end of the stick. I hate that feeling! Everything changed when everyone who lived with my grandmother decided that they wanted to move and not care to take her with them. My mother was the one who paid the rent for the house she lived in and bought food. My mother was the one who took in my three cousins when she died of aids a couple years ago. My mother is now the one who has to take care of her everyday and no one in the family helps at all. Heck, no one in the family even calls her let alone comes to pick her up and take her out. Everything changed when she came to live with us, and though I’m not the biggest lover of change, I’m not completely adverse either. I just in no way like how during the high school years everything seemed to change for the worst.
3. My diet is pissing me the fuck off! = Though I’ve not been been eating huge quantities of food, the quality of what I’m eating is crap! It’s really pissing me off and I need some fresh food and lots of vegetables and lots of fruit. I’m trying to really get on track with that. I can’t wait for winter to be officially over and for the Farmer’s Market to open. I can’t wait to get a job so that I can pay for my own trips to Whole Foods. I know how to do the right thing. Then there’s the fact that I think my stomach is naturally sensitive to a lot of things now that I’m older (good Lord! that makes me sound old! For the love of God, I’m only 19!). But the fact is that my stomach has a love hate relationship with a lot of foods. One day I can eat a hamburger, simple hamburger that’s most turkey these days, and it’s like my stomach has gone to heaven. The next day if I try to have one my stomach says fuck this LOL. The same for other foods. Of course, I’m completely lactose intolerant. I can’t even eat a milk chocolate candy bar b/c my stomach just … and yes I still eat milk chocolate sometimes lol, complete knowing that my stomach will hate me for it. I try to drink it with extra cold water b/c that for some reason calms the stormy seas of my stomach lol. I most definitely have to keep my diet simple and I gravitate to more simple dishes: fruits & veggies, little bit of chicken or beef, pasta w/ no meat. Nothing too crazy, nothing too greasy, and most definitely nothing junky!
The more problems I experience with my stomach, the more I feel like I’m ready to go vegetarian.
4. Uncertainty about my future making me upset which in turn is making me physically sick = I’m stressing about my future a bit lately. I’m on track to finish my requirement credits so that I can apply to a nursing program. I want to work for two years as a nurse and then become a traveling nurse. Unless of course I decide to move to another country and work there. I’m seriously considering moving to one of the Scandinavian and countries. I’ve always loved Denmark and Norway, beautiful countries with incredibly high standards of living. I don’t think that I want to be a nurse for the rest of my life, at least not for money. I think I’d like to do more volunteer work. Financially I want to make a living with my own fine jewelry collection. I just have no idea how much money I will need to fund that and get my business off the ground. I’m going to do it but I’m nervous and I want it to succeed. To be independently wealthy is very much a goal of mine.
There’s so many things to think about as you get older and start to set off on your own and in this economy …. #UGGGGGGGHHHHH!
So there’s my rant, I’m done. I have officially released all of my issues that I’m dealing with at the moment. That’s what I love about writing down my feelings. Every time I do so, they’re no longer knocking around my head as loudly as they were before. It’s 3:40 AM now and I’m going to go finish filing in my study guides for my A&P Exam and practical that I’ve got coming up.
Good night/Good morning! 🙂
The college semester officially ended a couple of days ago. Since then I haven’t been doing anything. I went to the mall one time with my mom and we visited the art store. I bought a new sketchbook, pencils, and drawing books. We didn’t get anything from the mall but we ate and enjoyed the atmosphere. I haven’t been anywhere else, partly because I’ve been tired and partly because I’ve been sick. I love school but it always brings stress and craziness. This semester was the worst though, because I had a biology class that was really hard and it also determines whether or not I can advance to Anatomy & Physiology I, which I’d already signed up for before I’d taken the final in BIO lol, in the Spring. It was just really . Last I checked I had a C in both the Lecture and Lab parts of the class. I want a B, so I hope with the final it averaged out to a B. I have serious doubts on that front, but don’t worry I just need a C to move onto A&P I. I also had four other classes to deal with. So it was a lot and I was just going and going and going, and now that I’ve finally the time to rest, I’m seeing how tired I am lol. As for my being sick, I’m lactose intolerant and have been indulging in way too much dairy. No more masochism for me!
So without further ado, here’s what I’m doing over my month and a half Winter break:
1. Practice my drawing.
When I was in about my Senior year of high school, I started sketching. Like everyone who starts out, I was not the best. I grew frustrated, not to mention busy with school, and i just stopped doing it. I regret that majorly. This time around I’m going to keep going and I’ve even bought two books that are much more basic, so that this time around I can start small instead of trying to be Picasso without knowing the basics lol. I want to learn how to draw because it’s a great way to express yourself, but I also want to one day soon open my own fashion line and accessories. I gravitate more to accessories though. I want to do shoes, jewelry, gloves, and swimwear. My being able to draw is going to be impertinent to being able to express my ideas and have others understand why i want.
2. Finish reading The Golden Compass 2 & 3 and various other books on my Nook
If my memory serves me correctly, I started reading the second book in the Golden Compass trilogy last year! LOL. It’s so pathetic that I have not finished reading both the second and third book by now. I’ve also more than five other books on my nook that I haven’t read and about 5 books in print that I’ve bought and haven’t cracked open yet.
3. So! A needle pulling thread! 🙂
I want to learn how to sew. I think it’ll be a great way to express myself once again. Sewing is actually something I’ve always expressed an interest in, since I was a young child actually but I never got around to fulfilling.
4. Not stay in the house all the time!
Over anything my plan is to not stay in the house my whole break. I have no money, but I plan to spend a lot of time at the three different B&N’s in my town. I love B&N. It’s really relaxed, you can just sit for free all day working or reading and no one cares or tries to beat you over the head for not buying anything lol. And I may not have a bunch of money but there’s always somewhere affordable to eat.
It hit! Baby fever! I want to have a baby! Not right now but soon. I’m still really young and I have a lot that I want to accomplish before any baby-making goes down, but I also know that having children or at least one or two children is a part of my plan in life. You never know how things are going to turn out in your favor, and this isn’t a plan really, but I just know that I want to have kids and I want to have a successful husband who is going to help me with the kids. I just want a great family and though I’m not going to settle, and if I have to wait until I’m thirty or even forty before that happens to me then I will. If I can’t have kids naturally at forty then I’ll just adopt. My plan was to have one kid biologically and a second kid by adoption. I’m not averse to adopting all of my children but I am adverse to IVF. Not ruling it out as a possibility if I did wait that long and couldn’t do it naturally, just saying I’m not crazy about it and it’s not plan A or B (or C LOL). I really feel as though I’m moving into a moment of wanting to have kids a couple years after college. Maybe around 25. I just want to make sure that I have all of my ducks in a row before I start on that journey lol. I want to be able to give them everything. I want them to travel the world, learn new languages, go to great schools, and have everything that they need. My mother has done a fantastic job in raising me and my older brother. Anything that we needed she bought, anything that we wanted, she bought (she still buys lol). She has supported us through all the highs, the lows, and the I don’t knows. I can’t wait to do that for my own kids. Now I just need to finish college, get my business up and running, and find that husband. I hope the husband part isn’t going to be too much of an impediment LOL. I’m not settling for any ole’ one but at the same time, I’m just not into the chase. I know relationships are hard and I’m willing to work through that, but the initial getting together … I just want someone who wants the same thing that I want. I want someone that wants to be successful and marry, have kids with, and love that successful woman and their children. I don’t want to have to put up with someone who is just stringing me along or pretending to share the same value system that I have. It would totally and completely drive me up the wall and I would be majorly pissed off. There are plenty of women out there who are willing to fuck around with you, don’t waste your time on me and don’t have me wasting my time on you.
So anyone reading this I’ll leave this last tidbit of information that yes I’m only 18, soon to be 19 in two more weeks. Yes I am young, but NO I AM NOT in anyway saying in this post that I’m running out to be knocked up and left with a kid that I cannot completely care for by myself at this point in time. I am merely expressing my feelings of baby fever, which are totally and completely natural. It’s okay to feel the urge to want to do something as long as you don’t act on it irrationally (shopping is an exception to this as long as you can put your money where your mouth is lol). So please do not bludgeon me over this blog post and please don’t rant over a million things that I already know about like how much hard work babies are and how you can’t give them back. I already have people in my own family who had kids young and it’s a great incentive for me not to follow in their irrational foot steps.
Now without further ado, I leave you with a million pictures of some of my favorite really cute babies and dome really cute maternity shots!